I did. I was miserable. I came home from work every day as fast as I could and drove right past my daughter’s day care. I had to leave her there almost until closing because I was always too overwhelmed to start my other jobs of mother, cook and wife right away. You better believe I felt guilty and caught flack for that!
I loved my job. If you ever talk to me about when I was a teacher, my face lights up and I’ll tell you hilarious stories of the kiddos that I loved like they were my own.
But, a few years ago, I had to resign. Why? Because I was an impaired Empath. I knew I absorbed stress from the other teachers and I had a bleeding heart for the beautiful children who were hungry for love and attention. I did the best I could.
Photo courtesy of Unsplash
I’m in tears thinking about it now. I'm so sad because I didn't have to suffer that way. And, I knew I was absorbing energy from others.
I was exhausted each day and I hated my job because I was emotionally overwhelmed. I avoided my husband and daughter and spent as much time alone as I could to recharge. I knew I was an Empath, but I didn’t know how to stop taking on the negative energy from the people around me.
I got burnt out. And, it was bad.
I once punched a hole in my kitchen wall because I was fed up with feeling like crap. all. the. time. I didn't have an outlet and the anger bubbled over.
If you don't know me personally, this is totally out of character. I was pushed too far into a corner.
Sure, I knew how to ground and I meditated daily. But, I wasn’t protecting my energy and preventing others from dumping their negativity on me. So, grounding wasn’t effective enough. I tried shielding and visualizations, which didn't work for me. I was overwhelmed by negative energy before my feet hit the floor in the morning.
People would come to my classroom during breaks and vent or just sit quietly. I was taking on their “stuff” and they knew they could get some temporary relief just by talking or sitting with me. Have you noticed people doing this to you?
At the end of each day, I needed from 4PM - 6PM alone just to get myself halfway together to see the most important people in my world, my husband and daughter.
It’s heartbreaking to look back at now. I didn’t want to leave my favorite job of all time! Let’s be real, there were quite a few deal breakers that helped me leave, but my exhaustion and inability to enjoy my life were the straw that broke the camel's back.
I was really angry when people around me felt I was selfish for taking care of myself. I guess I didn’t look sick enough or like I was dying, so to them I didn't deserve to rest.
I never really had a consistent work history because of this. I took whatever escape I could find to get a break. This was very disappointing to my husband.
I took too many breaks for too long, in people's minds. I didn’t know what to do because I wasn’t feeling significantly better. I had zero energy for chores around the house or exercise.
It caused me a great deal of grief and embarrassment to stop working. But, I stuck to my guns. Resigning time and again was my way of finding some peace. To onlookers, I was lazy and selfish.
You cannot imagine how heart wrenching it was to be sensitive enough to know that people felt that way.
It was totally demoralizing to let my husband down. I love him very much, and it seemed so selfish to me to resign and take care of myself. He still has no idea how much it hurt me to know he was disappointed that he couldn’t depend on me financially. It broke my heart. I’m crying thinking about it now.
And, the breaks between careers were never enough. Even if I wasn’t going into work, I was still a mother, daughter, sister, wife etc. and never really cleared out enough negative energy to enjoy my relationships. I would still be overwhelmed when friends called to get together or got to an outing, but not as badly.
In my family, there is no understanding for people who are worn out mentally or emotionally. My ancestors and relatives have had to push themselves beyond exhaustion for so long, that there just hasn't been room for understanding if you are not well. If you look physically fine, you are expected to work. Otherwise, you're just lazy. Period.
I hadn’t really had adult friendships up to that point because that was another person’s energy to deal with.
As an extrovert, that has been very hard.
My husband didn't understand what was happening, but tried to be as supportive as he could. He gave me the time and space to get myself together.
Thankfully, I was able to learn how to protect myself energetically and create effective energy boundaries. It’s a large part of my life purpose and what I teach in my business. Empaths shouldn’t have to be isolated just because they’re sensitive.
It's so refreshing to help others to heal and prevent the burnt out I faced.
Have you ever had to self-isolate or resign from a position due your sensitivity? Let me know, if you’d like.