Lean on Me?

Photo by Aamir Suhail on Unsplash

If you have Empathic abilities, you may as well use them, right?

Well, yes and no.

If your loved one is hurting, what’s the harm in taking on their pain to give them a little relief?

While you probably have the best intentions, it’s better not to do it. Of course, you can choose, but here are some reasons not to take on others’ negative emotion, even for a seemingly good reason.

You’re not actually helping this person

What do you mean? If someone I love is hurting, why shouldn’t I share some of the energetic burden and help? As an Empath, when you listen to your spouse or co-worker’s painful story or angry rant, you are not just listening.

You are actually taking on their painful energy (if you don’t know how to control it). How do you know if you’re doing that? After you talk with them, you may feel tired or even feel the exact emotion/mentality they were describing.

You can feel exhausted as they’re talking to you, shortly afterward or even over the next few days or weeks. I used to need days to recover from certain people.

While you may be absorbing some of your loved one’s pain, their relief won’t be permanent.

They haven’t processed the emotion or solved their issue just by you taking on some of the energy. You have temporarily lessened the energy surrounding their situation. Even though this feels good to them for a short while, they know (unconsciously) they will have to come and “dump” the emotion on you again for relief the next time the issue comes up.

So, nothing’s been solved. And, the negative emotion may stay with you even after they have worked through their bad feeling energy.

You are setting the stage for a co-dependent relationship

Another effect of carrying others’ emotional burdens is when at least one partner is an Empath, the partners can develop a co-dependent relationship. This can look like the non-Empathic (or other Empathic) person dumping negativity on the Empath and the Empath putting up with it or lashing back out at them. Many Empaths reason that the energetic abuser is justified because they are tired, under a lot of pressure, and a thousand other excuses.

Here is an example where one partner (possibly a narcissist) blows up at the Empath whenever they have difficult emotions to process. Instead of taking time to process their own emotions, they learned to dump them on someone else for short-lived relief. The Empath, feeling the rage, blows back up at their partner.

Now, the Empath may feel horrible because they know they’ve just assaulted their loved one and may not even have had a logical reason (other than they are responding to the original attack). The Empath (not a narcissist in this case) is feeling guilty about mistreating the other person.

So, they apologize. Instead of accepting the apology, the other person may jump at the opportunity to lash out at them about their bad behavior or give the “silent treatment” as punishment. A narcissist won’t consider apologizing for behaving poorly or starting the fight. Depending on your beliefs and experience with relationships (from childhood on), you may attract loving, respectful behavior, or not.

What you learned about close relationships from childhood dictates what types of treatment you attract and accept.

Now, the Empath is feeling guilty and has been yelled at by a loved one. The next time, the Empath may lose their composure again or they may take on the angry energy and not say anything to avoid another verbal attack.

I know this cycle all too well. There are thousands of iterations, where the Empath could be the narcissist, or it could be between two people who are Empaths. The main idea is that it is not good to have a codependent dynamic in a relationship.

When another person is using you (or you are using them) as a container for their negative emotional energy, you are setting yourself and the other person up for a cycle of dysfunction.

You are hurting yourself

As an Empath, you are able to absorb energy from others. They can also drain energy from you. Most of this is happening on an unconscious level, but it is problematic nonetheless.

You have your own custom cocktail of energy meant for you. Even if you take on others’ energy to replenish your own, it won’t serve you like your own unique energy.

Taking on other’s burdens can result in health issues. It can impact your nervous system, among others. Not only is taking on another’s energy not solving their problem, but you are putting your own health and wellbeing at risk.

If you are having health issues, have worked with a practitioner and still are not getting results, you may want to consider negative energy trapped in your body system as a possible cause.*

*Recall Truth’s services are meant to complement, not replace, licensed medical attention, if needed. We do not diagnose, heal, prevent or treat any conditions; nor do we interfere with licensed professionals’ recommendations or treatment plans. You are responsible for your own health.

You are not allowing this person to grow and work through their problems.

By taking on other’s energy, you are giving them temporary relief. It’s temporary because the person has not worked through the underlying cause that’s there for their growth.

They attracted that situation to themselves for their own development and learning.

If they don’t learn the lesson, they will continue to repeat it. You’ve only delayed them in dealing with it.

Do you ever notice that the same types of problems keep presenting themselves to you until you learn the lesson? That is what you may see happening to your neighbor or co-worker.

You may think you are helping them with emergency cash or last minute babysitting. And, yes, it is good to help. But, when they need help every month or week or day, they have a cycle going on and they haven’t caught the lesson yet.

You’ve got to let them learn their lesson.

This is hard for parents sometimes. We want to protect our children and help them to have an easy path. However, think back to when you were young(er). When did you learn the best? When you messed up and someone lectured you about it or when you made a mistake and had to get yourself out of a jam?

Think about a time where you had to help yourself out of some trouble. When we have to create our own solutions, we learn and can (usually) avoid that issue in the future.

If you have a situation that keeps repeating itself, you may have some unresolved energy to address. Journaling and grounding are great for this. Recognizing a pattern is the first step. Remember, lessons take on different faces and places, but the underlying cause stays the same.

Have you ever wondered if it would be helpful to take on another’s emotional energy? I used to think so.

What do you think about it now? Let me know. Hopefully, you’ll remember that it may be a lesson for them to learn and your “help” may interfere.

Remember, just because you have an ability to help, doesn’t mean you have to. And, there are many different ways to help.