Updated: Jul 31, 2022
It all starts in childhood…
Erik Erikson, the highly esteemed psychologist whose work spearheaded much of modern psychosocial development research and social science literature, emphasizes that, “the seeds of identity are planted at a young age...and the child takes on characteristics and admired features of parents or significant others.” (Erikson 1968)
Photo Courtesy of Unsplash
Erikson famously coined the term, identity crisis.
And what an identity crisis we can find ourselves in! Before the age of seven, we develop an understanding of who we are and our place in the world. No one has to say it outright, but rejection, mistreatment and neglect form the basis for low self-worth and lackful beliefs.
Families who struggle with money often produce children who expect lack or feel beneath wealth. Angry, frustrated and burnt out parents and teachers create frightened, hesitant or angry, disconnected children who grow into adults whose minds are still constantly trying to keep them “safe.”
How does the mind stay safe in our relatively tame and comfortable modern lives? By avoiding “risky” situations like promotions, committed relationships, feeling worthy or even staying physically fit.
You don’t have to grow up poor or in an unstable home for trauma to happen
It doesn’t have to happen every day. One money argument overheard by “sleeping” children, one threat of divorce, one car accident, several negative comments about bills...These “harmless,” occasional actions can have an effect as well. In fact, the cumulative effect of small negatives over time is much more common and potentially as damaging as one traumatic event, like sexual abuse.
If you are able to read this here over the Internet, chances are that you grew up in a basically stable environment. Even with many advantages, you can still arrive in adulthood with lack of confidence in yourself or feelings of defeat from everyday activities like getting cut from the basketball team or hearing what a messy kid you were (especially repeatedly).
When the job you’ve always wanted becomes available or it's time to replace your car, we retreat to the old patterns of lack of confidence or lack of money that we learned in elementary school. Even though you may be qualified for the position or have enough in the bank to buy the car cash, you might still have a small voice saying,“You don’t belong in upper management” or even “We can’t afford that,” even though your bank account says you can.
Why? Because you heard your teacher say you were “only average” or you only ever earned Cs. Because EVERYTIME it was time to make a purchase you heard a parent grumble (or even whisper to themselves), “We can’t afford that.” Even non-verbal cues of lack and low self-esteem are easy for kids to pick up on.
Don’t blame anyone, not even yourself!
Parents and teachers are definitely some of our first models we tend to emulate, but no one said it had to stick! We can’t change the past, but we can set the future! There's no time for blaming and complaining.
Besides, you’ve been given a gift. A chance to throw out negative tapes and retrain your own mind to work for you. Think of your mind as the best employee ever. If you never require any work out of the employee, well, they’ll do whatever they want. As soon as you give instructions and remove negative thought patterns, your mind is your best ally. It is our own self-sabotaging beliefs and unhealed emotional hurts that get in our way, not other people.
Take charge of your present and your future! Don’t let another day go by living on standby! Don’t let someone else’s beliefs run your life. There are plenty of subliminal messages out there for your mind to choose from. Decide what you want and take it. Train your mind to be your best partner!
How Can it Be So Easy?
My transformational sessions put you in the driver’s seat of your life energetically, instead of being a helpless passenger. You’ll be able to make better decisions and take needed action because you're releasing the negative mental tapes telling why you can’t or shouldn’t achieve your dreams. That nagging feeling you’re not good enough will fade and then become nonexistent.
But, how? I work with you to let go of past events and traumas that have your mind on high alert (and high stress). Your protective brain was created to protect you from danger. Since most of us have relative physical safety, the danger in our lives are stress and fear. Your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between real danger and something traumatic that happened days, years or even decades ago.
Set yourself up for success
Just set your intention to improve yourself.
Here's your chance to march triumphantly into the end of 2022 instead of sneaking in through the back door, hoping for a miracle…
Comment below if you know you have self-sabotaging beliefs from childhood.
Sokol, J.T. (2009). "Identity Development Throughout the Lifetime: An Examination of Eriksonian Theory. Graduate Journal of Counseling Psychology, 2(1), 140. https://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1030&context=gjcp
Erik Erickson. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erik_Erikson
*Please note all services are in complement to and not a replacement for licensed professional support.